Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
