When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The air was thick with penises
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
