Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
