i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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