jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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