I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
