I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
