get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
