I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
is wine microwaveable?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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