You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
