thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
