Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
