the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
