I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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