Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
