He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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