you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
