you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
