I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
