My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh god it's open bar.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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