Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need to align my fucking chakras
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
