If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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