I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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