I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
