Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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