She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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