I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
