I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
