thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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