I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
