He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
