the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
