How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
