well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
