So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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