my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
