hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
