at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
