my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
