I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
