i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
