My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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