Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
