After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
