Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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