is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
