I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i was born a porn star she said
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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