Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
