So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Alive.
So much puke
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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