as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
