Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
