I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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