Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
