you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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