Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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