At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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