Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
