if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
