You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
