Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No subtext here. People are naked.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
